If a wife does not want her husband to have a beard he’s required to shave it - according to halacha. Having a beard is not halacha.
A beard is material. A beard may have meant something 1000 years ago but today you can find a ben torah who learns 12 hours a day with perfect middos and have no beard vs. a guy who has the biggest beard in his community but does I don’t want to say what behind closed doors.
I can name you plenty of huge rabbiem today that have no beards.
Very much so I’m afraid. As i dealt with many singles in the past few years, I’ve noticed a trend in the market of shidduchim that comes up, time after time. There’s a reason why there countless of older girls on the market than there are boys. Boys get to pick which resume they order, answer a yes, and expect to get a reply within two - three days. If there’s no answer in that timeframe, they move on and the name goes to bottom of the list. Why is it that the boys get to choose when, and who they want to meet, but the girls are somewhat if a lesser opinion in the shidduch market? Are they any less than the boys? No. And don’t even get started on the Yeshiva system who teaches about the shidduch process. That just affects everyone no matter how old they are.
I don’t want to rant here too much but if you want you can get in touch with me privately and chat there.
I think the topic of a beard being a haskafic/halachic thing might depend on with the circle that one associates.
i hear ya that is a great point
I don’t have the statistics in front of me but there are more women then men. I’m sure that’s a contributing factor. However, I don’t think that the guys “go down the list” much different than the women do. I deal with both guys and girls and I can say that there are more girls looking, however none of the guys that I’ve ever made a suggestion to have turned down the girl.
And if it’s not only the guys who make ridiculous requirements for the girl. I know a girl who specifically wanted a cohen, a specific eye color, a specific race, etc. While I know that she wasn’t 100% serious about those requests, I couldn’t help but wonder how many guys she turned down because of that influence.
Probably, but honestly speaking between the two of us. If you see two couples perfect for each in every way but the guy doesn’t want to shave his beard because the girl doesn’t want it…is it really worth living alone for the rest of your life over such a thing?
I could understand if the guy doesn’t keep shabbos or other major important things that are directly from places like the shulchan aruch…there’s no question there the match shouldn’t even have been made…but I doubt even one orthodox rabbi exists who would say not having a beard is an aveyra.
Really a wife says chop it off, Halacha says he has to? Show me.
Otherwise I assume this is מגלה פנים בתורה שלא כהלכה
I saw this story written in a sefer of Rav Kaneivsky’s
A shaiyla was asked to Rav Chaim Kanievsky, asking if one must wash his hands after shaving.
His answer: It is assur to shave.
I know that in todays world there are many rabbanim who shave.
BUT if you look at pics or paintings of rabbanim prior to the enlightenment, Mendelsohn ym"s and his ilk, you will not find a single Rav, Rebbe, Posek or Dayan who shaved.
One must understand the difference between mutar ( permissible) and patur (unpunishable)
To shave is not assur but not mutar either.
An example of this would be, mistakenly doing a malacha on Shabbos, one is patur, that doesnt mean it is mutar
On the other hand willingly causing themselves bunions due to style…that might be assur
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Obviously the concept of a man shaving is not a new one – after all, the discussions of what creams could be used goes back a long way. The question is in how one may shave, if they hold that they are allowed to do so.
Its obvious there are many halachic opinions about men shaving. The only important thing to consider here is what your Rav has instructed you to do, not what others are doing or not doing. This goes for all the thousands of halachos in which there are differences of opinion between halachic authorities. We are each obligated to follow a Rav and follow everything he teaches us. We are not obligated to ‘convince’ others that their Rav ‘is wrong’ or that we know better.
Could it be also because there were no electric shavers then and a blade is ossur?
Shalom bayit. We erase the name of Hashem for the sake of Shalom Bayit (when a husband suspected his wife of cheating), do you really think that having a beard is more important? If after a couple is married and for the first time in her life the girl finds out that the beard really bothers her, nothing is going to change that. Not everyone can deal with all the consequences of a husband having a nice long large beard - even a short one. So you would expect this poor woman to live the rest of her life miserable because of such an insignificant matter?
I don’t pretend to know the full details of what the story you quoted but I don’t think it’s such a simple matter. Firstly, it could be that the Rav had known the man wanted to shave for reasons other than shalom bayit. It just doesn’t seem like enough detail to give an answer. If the man’s parnassah depended on him shaving I dont think you would find any rav today who would say he’s forbidden to do so - including Rav Kaneivsky. Maybe the Rav knew he would be using a razor, maybe he was doing it to impress some girls with his smooth face…There’s just too many details left out.
Like I said before, 1000 years ago a beard may have meant a lot more but today there are maybe just a handful of people whose beard has any meaning in relation to their holiness.
This point about a beard has already a long beard 
Would you leave it to the each individual to consult with his/her Rav and to make a personal decision?
You are right regarding electric shavers.
But the following is a pic of scissors that are 2,000 years old
the earliest scrap of scissors discovered is over 3000 years old.
So no, sorry, I would have to say there were options of cutting one beard, if Halacha was OK with it
The following is a quote from Shmuel Bies 10:4 and 5:
ד וַיִּקַּח חָנוּן אֶת-עַבְדֵי דָוִד, וַיְגַלַּח אֶת-חֲצִי זְקָנָם, וַיִּכְרֹת אֶת-מַדְוֵיהֶם בַּחֵצִי, עַד שְׁתוֹתֵיהֶם; וַיְשַׁלְּחֵם. ה וַיַּגִּדוּ לְדָוִד וַיִּשְׁלַח לִקְרָאתָם, כִּי-הָיוּ הָאֲנָשִׁים נִכְלָמִים מְאֹד; וַיֹּאמֶר הַמֶּלֶךְ שְׁבוּ בִירֵחוֹ, עַד-יְצַמַּח זְקַנְכֶם וְשַׁבְתֶּם.
Dovid Hamelech’s messengers that had their beards vertically cut, and they were embarrassed, so the king says hide and wait until it grows back
Let me ask the question:
they were embarrassed because it was cut off vertically,
Why not just cut off the other half and then all is well?
The obvious answer is simply, Jews did not cut their beards. it was unheard of to the point where people would hide rather then be seen in public.
Shaving or trimming beards, electronically or otherwise is relatively new to Judaism.
Heterim becomes the new normal, when used extensively.
Halacha of beards is off topic
Bottom line is that one needs to be open minded regarding levush beard or hat
I know a couple, married a few years, I asked the Mrs, what hat does your hubby wear?
She looks at said hubby and in a puzzled tone asks, Hub? What hat do you wear?
Point is she didnt know, Girls ( and to a lesser degree boys ) have this image of the perfect mate.
Silly people, number one should be midos, then in-the-ballpark hashkafa, they have to have fairly similar goals in what the home will look like.
Nothing else really matters in the long run.
I think that it boils down to if he really wants a beard (for any reason) and she doesn’t want him to have one (for any reason) - and it is a deal breaker, then they are not a shidduch.
Is it any different if she wears earrings and he doesn’t like her to wear them? I know I guy who was set up with a woman who had a couple of piercings in each ear. He could live with one in each ear, but not more. They both, B"H, found someone else to marry.
Choosy is a label that WILL hurt people in the parsha, so I suggest you don’t tell it to anyone in the parsha, and instead be supportive. Just trying to inform you because I am sure your intent is not to hurt.
I can’t disagree with what people mean when they use a particular phrase. But why is the number of men that are still single not part of the problem? According to this definition, the more men that are single, the better – as long as the delta is smaller.
For what definition of “choosy”?
I mean logically, there are 3 reasons I can think of why someone isn’t married:
Now if someone is at all in category 3, then the next subdivision we can make is, what are possible reasons to reject someone. And there are two scales you can rank reasons on: intrinsic and extrinsic. By intrinsic I mean, one can rate reasons on a scale of reasonableness. And by extrinsic I mean one can measure them based on their outcome.
In other words, if someone feels that they need X in a marriage, one question you can ask is, are they right. How terrible would it be for them not to have X? Would they be temporarily disappointed? Miserable for the rest of their life? So unable to deal with not having X that the marriage wouldn’t last? Etc. etc. etc. And the second question you can ask is, is X realistic? Is there anyone available for them to marry that can provide X? Are there lots of people that can? Etc. etc. etc.
I have negligible anecdotal information, and even less data. I think really the first step is to have relevant data.
But it seems likely that (1) at least half of the population is significantly in category 3, and (2) by extrinsic measures those people are too choosy. So perhaps one can argue that part of the problem is a significant impedance mismatch between people’s point on the intrinsic scale and on the extrinsic scale.
In other words, perhaps people’s needs and expectations are not calibrated with what is available.
Thoughts?
Singles today have an illusion of marriage.
they assume marriage is
Point here is that divorce is unfortunately on the rise, due the impossible demands we tend to have on our spouses.
Marriage from a Jewish standpoint differs from the world at large.
As a Jew, i have a chiyuv to raise a family of G-d fearing Jews, to perpetuate the chain, so that Moshiach will be greeted by an ehrliche Yid.
Period.
I know many reading this are incredulous. ready to throw virtual tomatoes.
So let me clarify
To raise good kids( and this IS the goal), the spouses must be real partners with mutual respect, they must show affection to / for each other, behave as a role model, be knowledgeable enough to talk to your kids about what they need.
Parents need to be their kid’s heros, second to G-d ( for the first 10 years of the child’s life at least) lead by example, inculcate young moldable impressionable, with the right values, so that they grow up to perpetuate this.
So, bottom line, people need to look for a spouse that is number 1, a baal midos tovos! And then a great parent - role model, and is hashkafically similar.
Nothing else really matters.
if these 3 issues are good but one turns down a potential spouse due to, say, hair coloring…well good luck to them.
Not that physically appeal is not important…its just that the attribute of ‘looks’ adds nothing to making a good spouse.