If its not too late…First each side reports what they’re willing to spend. Then work within that framework for what is affordable. If one side wants a million dollar wedding and the other doesn’t 50/50 doesn’t help anyone.
Side A says we can afford 5k, Side B says we can afford 9K. That’s it, work within that budget. Don’t spend more than you originally said you would - the moment you budge is the moment the other side assumes you’re just being stingy rather than honest.
If the other side starts making all sorts of demands on what the wedding should have but is outside of your budget let them kindly know that you’ll be happy with the extras they want if they’re willing to foot the bill for it. Want that 5 man band? No problem you pay. Want super fancy flowers when all you can afford is just some basic stuff? Great you foot the bill.
No matter what, no one is going to remember how fancy the wedding is assuming its your average wedding. People remember the moments, the people, the good time spent together.
Better to say to your inlaws that i’d rather give my son/daughter 2k to start their life than a fancier wedding you know what I mean?