Trying to help a relative

We have a niece who has been in shidduchim for four years and despite being a nice normal wholesome quality frum girl, she is finding shidduch suggestions few and far between. She has gone out a grand total of two times in four years. Although we are by no means wealthy, we are determined to do whatever we can to help provide her with the best shadchan attention.

To that end we have set aside a nice amount of money as we understand it is unfair and frankly unrealistic to expect busy overwhelmed hard working shadchanim to make any particular single their top priority. Therefore we are looking to make fair offers to the right shadchanim or others to help our niece.

Could anyone provide guidance what would be the most effective efficient and all around pleasant manner to set up such an arrangement.

Unfortunately there isnt a simple solution, i would suggest going yourself to the Yeshivos and speek to people or look yourself. P.s. I’m thinking of making a singles event for yeshivish for that reason tell me if it makes sense, thanks

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Word of mouth is the best way. Tell as many people who you can about your niece. You never know who will be the one to set her up. On that note please send me her resume so that I can keep her in mind. Please include a paragraph about her and what she is looking for


You (or your niece) can Create a shidduch Profile on and then Register to search all the singles on the site in her age group and type. was designed to allow singles and their representatives (family, friends, or shadchanim) to proactively find a shidduch for themselves or other singles instead of merely “waiting for the phone to ring.” When you find a prospective match, you can contact the single or their representative to redt the shidduch.

Wishing you much success and a happy and sweet New Year. .

Good afternoon,

It sounds like you are an incredible aunt, your niece is very lucky to have you. Being single myself (I’m 26), and having been working on shidduchim for 7 years, I can tell you one thing and hope you can pass this on to your niece as well… When it comes to shidduchim, getting yeses and going out, getting engaged and getting married, has NOTHING to do with if you are a good person without a past. It has nothing to do with middos, hashkafa, whether you were G.O or Chessed head in highschool, whether you went to the best camps, or whether you do more chessed than anyone else. It has nothing to do with looks, and nothing to do with weight. I can list hundreds of people who have troubled pasts, are on medication, are overweight, have no money etc who got married immediately, and people who “have it all”, and are still single. You niece, along with the rest of us singles, should never let the idea of being single make us feel like we are worth less than we are. This is a nisayon, that’s it. It’s our job to believe Hashem has a plan, stay happy, positive, and do good while we wait for the right one. We can’t use being single as an excuse, we must use it as a motivator to get in as much as we can while we have the time, and hopefully with Hashem’s help, we will be zoche to continue doing amazing things with a husband who will help us become the best we can be.

Please pass this on to your niece. She is an amazing young woman who WILL iyH get married. Hashem is just waiting for the opportune moment. Hashem is an Expert At Timing, and that special time WILL come. It’s not “if” it’ll happen, it’s “when”.

Until then, please send me her information and please ask her to reach out to me I will try my best to work on her, as well as daven for her.

May your niece and all the others singles out there (and anyone else who needs a yeshua) be sent their spouse and their yeshua b’karov.

You are an amazing aunt, you will be repaid a thousand fold- on this world and the next!


Additionally, if I have the zechus to make your nieces daughter, please keep the money gathered to give the shadchan, and use it on your family. The biggest reward , is the reward of seeing the smiles on peoples faces , as the chosson and kallah walk down the aisle. I had the zechus of being the shadchan for “older singles”, and I will never forget the feeling I had watching the their parents of the chosson and kallah as they walked their kids down the aisle.

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And it would be even a bigger zechus to help someone who has no parents and maybe, like in my case, no any relatives to help to find a bashert and to help to get married. I can tell how much I appreciate everyone, who helped even a little. It is really priceless and, in fact, everyone who helped me in any way, including just a sincere Tefillah from a depth of a heart, got many personal Yeshous in a zechus of helping me and other singles to find their zivugim.

If someone is interested, I have many listings of the shaddchanim, which I can email upon request. The most of the shaddchanim indeed are very sensitive and helpful. And they like when single people or their parents remind them about themselves and keep the records updated.

You are amazing. I love what you wrote! I wish someone told me this empowering message when I was in shidduchim (7 years, 40+ guys…) B"H married almost 15 years :slight_smile:

perhaps you will find the ideas in the post ounce of prevention helpful. They are tailor made for your situation

I am not amazing. I am simply a single whose been in shidduchim for many years, so I’ve had the opportunity to make such observations.

Agreed. I am forever grateful (and verbalize it to them) to everyone who mentions to me that they daven for me or even just keep me in mind. It gives me tremendous chizuk, and for that I am thankful. Additionally, since I know how it feels, I took it upon myself to reach out to people in shidduchim (who’ve reached out to me to work on shidduchim for them) every once in a while to let them know they are still on my radar. It’s also usually easier for them then having to feel terrible reaching out and “reminding me” that they exist #I hate reaching out to shadchanim to remind them I’m still single

Being able to make mature and empowering observations, and taking the time to share them and be mechazek others in a similar situation is amazing in my small opinion. Of course, you can disagree :grinning:

hi, we have a website called check it out and try to make a shidduchim yourself. we have over a thousand profiles on the site.

looking for a shiddich i am 25 year old