Is there any way to encourage people to have better photos of themselves?
As much as we try not to judge anyone by a photo,a little more effort in adding a nice proper photo would make a more positive presentation.
I think most photos are fine, it’s the group ones that really throw you off…Why would you upload a group photo (sometimes being the only one you upload) and expect people to know who you are!
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Not to long ago, I heard an interview with several shadchanim and Rabbanim who advocated no pictures. Their platform was that first a couple should see if they “match” on paper, then meet and see if there is chemistry. How a person looks (now) should not be as important as who they are. I will add - don’t forget, the person you see in the picture is most likely not going to look like that in 50 years.
Any why not? I think that people get judged on their pictures. Besides, if you look online, I’m sure there’s countless ways to find a picture of the person.
And that’s why you date. Not just to see if you match in personality, but also to see if the physical appearance bothers you. And one date may not do it either. Where you may have written someone off in their picture, you may end up liking them enough that, though you may still be bother by _____, it becomes less of an issue.
Lol I’ve seen this a lot and it baffles me.
I completely agree! I hate the whole picture thing. First of all, it’s not even an accurate portrayal of what the person looks like. And most importantly, you shouldn’t be marrying someone because of the way they look. You should be marrying someone because of who they are. Obviously, you can’t marry someone if their looks still bother you after getting to know them, but you have no way of knowing that from a picture!
You can end up not wanting to go out with someone because of their picture, but meanwhile, if you had met them in person, you would have felt very differently!
Furthermore, the way a person looks is really a combination of their physical appearance and their inner self (Neshama and personality) as it’s reflected in their face. The aspect of their appearance that’s most important is the second aspect, and that doesn’t show in a picture.
I think I saw a quote from one of the Gedolim saying something similar to this last point.
On a personal level, it bothers me when guys put pictures on their resumes, because their pictures make me not want to go out with them, and I might feel differently if I met them in person. For one thing, they might look very different, and for another, maybe I wouldn’t care if I met the person as a person and not just a picture.
Someone once tried to convince me to put my picture on my resume by telling me how everyone wanted to go out with a certain girl because she had such a good picture on her resume. I wanted to throw up! That really convinced me to not include my picture on my resume!
My humble opinion is that everyone should consult with his/her Rav which way to follow: to share a picture or not to do so. When we follow the guidance of the Gadolim, Hashem provides with clarity and Siyata Dishmaya. Any of the ways can work, with pictures provided or without it, if Hashem wants to bring two people under the Chuppah.
May each of us has a zechus to have much clarity and Siyata Dishmaya in finding our zivugim!
If you’re only marrying someone for who they are and not their looks that’s like getting a great deal on an apartment that even a homeless person wouldn’t live in.
In an ideal world yes no one would care about looks. But God placed in us desires for certain people for a reason and the reality is that if one isn’t physically attracted to their spouse that’s just asking for a terrible marriage. Guys more so than girls usually care about looks and in fact the gedolim say that both partners must look attractive for each other. But you can’t look attractive for your spouse if you were never attracted to begin with. I’ve heard countless lecturers detail how a shadchan that pushes by saying stuff like the attraction will come later to a person to get married when they say they are horribly deceitful.
As an extreme example, a petite girl that marries a guy who is 400lbs because he has amazing middos and character is going to eventually understand she made a mistake - especially if he refuses (or is unable) to change his physical appearance for her. Slowly but sure at that point her marriage will become more and more miserable compounded everytime she see’s another good looking guy.
Same thing for a guy, in todays day and age, maybe one in a million wouldn’t end up miserable or chas v’sholom cheating on their wives. If you don’t believe me, go speak to any Rav that deals with marriage issues. I’ve heard enough of my fair share to say that anyone who thinks they can get away without attraction is unfortunately naive.
End point - I don’t think it’s necessary to upload your picture to your profile but if I were you i would at least make it clear in the resume itself that a photo is available to those who are interested (prior to a date). You’ll save yourself and the guys a lot of trouble.
That’s why people date. Even chassidim meet someone before getting engaged. I’m not saying that you should get married just because his middos are perfect. I’m saying go out if s/he seems like a good match, even if you don’t like the picture. And furthermore, lets say you are looking for someone skinny. And the girl/guy is not skinny, but he’s not 400lbs. You may turn down the match solely on that without any more research. Don’t do a girl a disservice just because she’s not a model or movie star. She should be judged for who she is, not [solely] based on what she looks like… which happens when girls give pictures.
And you should NEVER marry someone if you are not attracted to them… and anyone who says you should, you should find someone else to ask
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You are supposed to be attracted to the person, not to the photo. They are two completely different things. If someone can’t tell the difference, they should seek guidance from a Rav or mentor who can help them to understand the difference and to get their priorities straight before they get married. Otherwise, their future marriage is in trouble.
Rabbanim are against sending pictures for that very reason.
I would never make it clear in my profile that a photo is available before a date, because it’s not. And I would never want to go out with someone who won’t go out without seeing my photo first or who is dating me because of (or even partially because of) my picture.