Are there any courses, articles, webinars, videos to help anyone who wants to become a shadchan? I know R’ Tzoked Katz once offered a course to train new shadchanim.
People in shidduchim are humans with feelings. They are going through enough, there is no need to give your opinion or advice if it can cause even the least bit of pain
Shadchan tips
- Know the child and family, of both sides, prior to the initial call. It’s harder to “sell” an item you’re not familiar with. Call a Rav, teacher or neighbor to get some info.
- When talking to the parent give a compliment regarding the child, if you did your homework, this should be easy to do. The compliment will give you an ear that’s more inclined to listen.
- Ask about the child, what the parents want, what the child needs, empathize. If the parent believes you understand the whole picture, it will be easier to get the shidduch done.
- Try to upsell the other side. Praise the other side and say “they may not want, but I might be able to push it through because you have a great son / daughter”. This often increases the interest in the side you’re talking to.
- Assure the parent that you’re looking out for them and the child’s best interest. “Im Yirtzah Hashem, your son / daughter will be very happy and comfortable in such a home”. “This boy / girl is a great catch, you will be very happy.”
- Follow up when needed, make every effort to pick up the phone when the parents call, even if there is no news. If they don’t call back when expected, call them.
- Be courteous and professional on the phone at all times, having a smile on your face will be projected in your voice making the whole situation calmer.
- Don’t be discouraged! Most shidduch ideas do not work or happen. Shadchanim of many years say that only 1 out of 20 suggestions happen. Some people will be rude and insult you for your suggestions. Please be aware that it’s not you, they might have bad midos or are just having a bad day, (possibly due to having a child still waiting for their bashert). You might want to try step 3. To diffuse the situation.
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I don’t think a book or website can help someone become an effective shadchan. While these resources might be helpful in the shidduch proceedings, anyone can make a match. From the seasoned vet to the young person straight out of college, we all know people who know people. Be patient, keep an open mind and take the initiative.
Try aish.com. There’s an article titled “guy confessions”(I seem to remember that that’s what it’s called). There are also a lot of other great resources there that you can use or suggest others including singles to read. Thank you for reaching out for advise from “the user side”!